Happiness Starts with You

 "Never put the pressure of your happiness on another human being. They are not perfect, and they are going to let you down, every time. People make mistakes and people can't be there for you any time of any day. Sure, you can be with someone who makes you happy, but don't expect them to be the source of your happiness. When you learn that you can be happy alone, that is when you can be happy in a relationship. When you have a partner that enhances your life, then you will be happy. You don't need that person to make your life, you already have that, what you need is that person who makes your life better."     

-How to Be Happy Alone by Harvey Segler

   Reading these lines curled up in my bed last night made me pause. Wait... I'm supposed to be happy BEFORE I find someone else. Shouldn't that person be the thing that finally completes my happiness?
As I read further in this book, I learned that no, this was not to be the case. God gives each of us a season. A season for childhood, a season for singleness, and many others. The trick is learning to be content in your season of life. To put all the pressure on another person for your happiness is very hard for the other person especially because there is only one-person responsible for your happiness, you. People mess up every single day. I mean, just look at the mistakes you have made in your relationships. If you have ever had a person, make you feel as if you were totally responsible for their happiness, you know how hard it is to be around that person. Your every thought and reaction can be taken in the wrong way, and you are constantly nervous about whether you are hurting the other person, purely because their contentment and peace is rooted in you. Over time, you may even dread visiting that friend, because of the pressure on you to complete them when they are around. 

If it is hard for you to handle this kind of pressure, don't put it on someone else. We, as humans, are imperfect. I wake up every single day and go through phases that are constantly changing. Sometimes I stick to my resolutions. I wake up and go to sleep with my gratitude journal, read healthy moral books, and listen to music that helps my emotional state. Then there are those days... you know the ones. You wake up, look at your gratitude journal and sigh. You need a distraction, so you turn to some gory murder mystery or some immoral gossip girl's books. Your conscience is telling you to get back on track, so you drown your thoughts out with music about anger, romance, and lost loves. To put your reliance on someone who moods are changeable even if they aren't as changeable as mine is foolish at best, dangerous at worst. 

Your happiness begins and ends in you, through the power of Christ. You must try to find the light in every situation. When your car gets hit, thank God that no one was injured. When you don't get the job, you exactly wanted, thank God for the chance to focus on school. When you are sick or tired, thank God for the excuse to rest. In every situation find the good and beautiful. What is good, what is holy, and what is beautiful... think about these things. If you allow these things to shape your life, you can find your own joy. You will not always be happy. To expect eternal happiness is foolish and impossible outside of heaven. You will find the power to be cheerful despite hardships though and you will see that the positive easily outweighs the negatives in life. You are beautiful, you are loved, and you can choose to be happy. 

Thanks for reading! If you have any tips or ideas for future blog posts, please leave a comment below. As always, I love hearing from you!